Being able to accept who you are is an important quality. Once you learn to do that, you won't get hung up on criticism from friends, police officers, psychologists, society at large (i.e. haters). This shirt lets people know that you are not perfect, and don't intend to be a better person. Continue reading

$19.99

via Amazon

The fidget cube gives you something to play around with in your hand. This is good for people who have stress, anxiety, or hands. You can click it, flick it, roll it, and spin it, as long as you get consent first of course. Continue reading

$1.79

via Amazon

This LED aroma diffuser quietly humidifies your home to prevent dry, stuffy air and germs. It has a nice subtle LED glow while it switches between colors. It also releases a pleasant smells that will help mask the disgusting smell of your filth. Continue reading

$19.95

via Amazon

This stand sensually holds your phone in place with a nice and tender grip. This stand works for any phone, keeping your phone locked in position while you drive. Very easy to attach to your phone. Makes texting and driving much easier. Continue reading

$7.99

via Amazon

This electronic watch is both stylish and minimalist. It is waterproof, shock resistant, and has an LED display. It can set alarms and tell you the time and date. The only thing it can't do is tell you is why your group friends sometimes hang out with without you. Continue reading

$12.99

via Amazon

A lot of times people will say they don’t want anything for their birthday or anniversary. Now you can put their truthfulness to the test by literally getting them nothing. You can sit back with a dumb grin of your face and say “you said you wanted nothing ;)” They will hate you. Continue reading

$6.42

via Amazon

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Cards Against Humanity
Unlike most of the party games you've played before, Cards Against Humanity is as despicable and awkward as you and your friends. The game is simple. Each round, one player asks a question from a Black Card, and everyone else answers with their funniest White Card.

$25.00*

via Amazon

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Horse Head Mask
These days horse masks are all the rage. A horse mask makes a statement about you. It says you have style, chic, class, and probably an arrest record for indecent exposure. Wear your horse mask to the mall, the beach, a first date, a job interview. There is literally no inappropriate occasion to wear a horse mask.

$21.84

via Amazon

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Amazon Deals of the Day
Everyday Amazon lists limited time deals usually only lasting a few hours. These are not ordinary deals though, these are the type of deals you take home to your parents and eventually start a family with. Limit 1 per person.
Hidden Bible Flask
Is your Bible study group getting a little boring? Now you can take a swig of your favorite alcoholic beverage every time you need a little pick-me-up. You can keep this little secret between you and God. You’ll be able to regale everyone with funny Bible stories all night long!

$20.99

via Amazon

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World's Strongest Coffee
Take your unhealthy caffeine addiction to the next level with the world's strongest coffee. It's cheaper and slightly safer than purchasing illegal drugs, but will still give you a great kick! This coffee will make you feel significantly more productive than regular coffee right before waste away your day procrastinating as usual.

$18.97

via Amazon

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Magnetic Thinking Putty
What happens when you combine putty and magnets together? You have possibly one of the greatest distraction devices known to mankind, magnetic putty! With magnetic putty you'll be sure to keep yourself occupied as you avoid your real life obligations and responsibilities.

$17.99

via Amazon

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Creepy Coin Bank
Coin banks can be a great way to teach kids the value of saving money. This coin bank will do just that and traumatize them at the same time. The creepy stare will ensure any kid using this bank will need therapy for years to come

$17.99

via Amazon

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Melting Shelf Clock
The Time Warp Shelf Clock is the perfect addition to an art lover's home creating a great conversation piece. You can easily place this homage to Salvador Dali's Persistence Of Memory on a mantle or shelf - no mounting required. With this great Dali clock, time doesn't fly: it melts away. A must have for any clock collector.

$17.44

via Amazon

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Giant Bubble Wand
It is not a secret, everyone loves bubbles. Bubbles are a great nonviolent way to break up fights and arguments. No one can be angry or belligerent around bubbles without feeling silly. If it wasn’t for the powerful military industrial complex in the U.S., we would be equipping our military with bubble guns.

$16.99

via Amazon

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Disappearing Penny Magic Trick
Show a dime and penny to your spectators. The dime then magically disappears right before their eyes! Very easy to learn. This is much easier than my old dime trick where I would swallow a dime and then deny it. This is great if you are desperate for attention.

$16.98

via Amazon

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Money Soap Bar
Each soap bar contains either a real $1, $5, $10, $20, or even a $50 bill. I can't believe the suckers who sell this leave money inside the bars. Forget the stock market! I'm definitely investing in these soap bars. It's a guaranteed way to make clean money. Money soap bars also makes for the perfect gift for your hobo friend.

$16.96

via Amazon

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Bloody Bath Mat
I used to hate having to explain to guests why there was blood on my bath mat. This often led to awkward conversation and sometimes extremely violent confrontations. This bathmat makes it simply look like there is blood on it. Now can just play if off as the blood being a part of your wacky décor!

$15.95

via Amazon

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Wild Animal Beef Jerky Pack
We all love beef jerky. But for us refined, and sophisticated individuals, sometimes we require a little bit more than average beef jerky. This wild animal jerky pack will allow you to indulge in the jerky of the finest exotic animals such as alligator, ostrich, kangaroo, etc. These are just some samples of what you might get in your 10 random pieces of jerky.

$15.95

via Amazon

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You Have Just Been Poisoned Glass
The “you have just been poisoned glass” is great way to make lighthearted joke about murdering your guest. You will both get a good laugh and the guest will get a subtle message not to cross you. This glass is especially popular with dictators. Poison sold separately.

$14.99

via Amazon

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Taste Altering Miracle Berry Tabs
What is special about these tabs is that they temporarily modify taste perceptions so that typically sour food will taste sweet. Taking these tabs will make lemons to taste like lemonade and beer like chocolate thanks to the temporary altered state of the taste receptors on your tongue. Now there is more than one way to have fun dropping tabs with your friends.

$14.99

via Amazon

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Juniper Bonsai Tree
The bonsai juniper tree is just like a regular tree except it's miniature and can be grown inside your home. I've personally bought dozens of these to make myself feel bigger and more powerful. They are exceptionally easy to take care of and will make you feel larger than life. Also makes for a slightly humorous gift for a tiny friend.

$13.99

via Amazon

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Barbasol Can Safe
Perfect to hide your definitely legal and non-drug related possessions. Great way to hide stuff in plain sight unless what you're trying to hide is barbasol. Very realistic looking, without picking them up and shaking them, there is no way to tell it's not the real thing. Made from genuine product containers.

$13.95

via Amazon

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Prism Glasses
Watching TV can be enjoyable but sometimes moving your head is such a hassle. I know what you’re thinking, “just install a flat screen on the ceiling”. But if your room lacks a ceiling you know this isn’t possible. Bed prism spectacles are a great alternative. You can do both to a downward 90 degree angle not having to move your head at all.

$13.49

via Amazon

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Belt Buckle Flask
A bit renegade and a bit rock 'n roll, this belt buckle liquor flask keeps your spirits high and your pants secure. Made of polished stainless steel, our 2oz small flask easily slips from its holder to give you a quick sip whenever you need it, stays firm in the buckle when you're finished...and all the while makes a bold, belted statement. Fits belts up to 1 in. wide.

$12.95

via Amazon

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Remote Control Tarantula
Do you have a friend who is scared of spiders? Why not scare the bajesus out of them with this realistic-looking remote control tarantula. This creepy critter has light-up eyes and a furry texture. Tarantula scurries across any flat, smooth surface with spider-like leg movement. Use the two-button remote control to rotate its movement.

$11.90

via Amazon

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The Yodeling Pickle
What do you get as gift for the person who has it all? A yodeling pickle obviously. The yodeling pickle is an exceptional item that radiates class and wealth. It tells people that you have such a great deal of disposable income that you can actually afford to frivolously spend money on this amazing item!

$11.88

via Amazon

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Melting Gallium Metal
Ever fantasize about what it would feel like to have metal melt in your hands? You can now recreate that experience with gallium melting metal. Or you could take it to a third world country and convince them that you have super powers.

$11.20

via Amazon

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Phantom Keystroker V2
Attach this evil prank device to your victim's computer and it makes random mouse movements and types out odd garbage text and phrases. The switches on the side allow you to choose between keyboard garbage typing, caps lock-toggle, annoying mouse movements or all three. The adjustment dial sets the duration between annoying "events". It's discreet and sure to cause havoc.

$10.99

via Amazon

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Venus Fly Trap Plant
Nature provides this remarkable plant with "traps" to lure and capture its food. The traps are covered inside by tiny hairs and a sticky sweet smelling substance attractive to insects. When an insect touches the trigger hair, the trap is activated and closes around its victim. After digestion of its meal (which takes several days), the trap will open again for a new catch.

$9.99

via Amazon

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Stink Bombs
We've all encountered times where we're stuck in a conversation with someone we don't want to talk to. They start talking to us and the conversation just seems to go on and on and you just don't know how to end it. Stink bombs provide a great way to get out of the situation without being rude. Perfect for everyday use.

$9.99

via Amazon

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Mustache Pacifer
Wait… a baby with a mustache? What the heck? These are probably the things you are thinking. But the answer is no, you’re not in Armenia. This is actually a pacifier that simply makes your baby look Armenian. This is perfect for hipster moms or anyone else who finds mustaches funnier than they actually are.

$9.99

via Amazon

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Holiday Adult Coloring Book
Sometimes touching base and networking with upper management can be tiresome. If you’re looking for a way to relax without stealing money to buy prescription drugs, try this adult coloring book. There are curse words in it so you know it is cool. This is also a great gift for young kids if you are worried about them ending up lame.

$9.99

via Amazon

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We try to make sure all products on ShitYouCanAfford.com are below $20 or less. Sometimes Amazon's prices fluctuate which can mean the price may not always be accurate. We apologize for the inconvenience. We've hired the best child labor force that less than minimum wage can buy in order to monitor and correct price discrepancies.
Black Light Neon Makeup
Do you like going to raves but hate getting one-upped by people wearing more attention grabbing clothing than you? This black light neon makeup will make sure that won't happen anymore. You'll look like dancing an alien tribesman in this make up and everyone will be sure to notice. The makeup kit comes with a black light necklace that you can use to activate the make up at any time.

$9.00

via Amazon

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Money Toilet Paper
Here's a problem, you wanna be a billionaire but you're not. Guess what? For a small fee you can have that feeling with the money toilet paper. You won't need a Rolex watch or a fancy car because everyone who visits your bathroom will instantly assume you're incredibly wealthy based on your money toilet paper.

$8.99

via Amazon

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Liquid Ass Spray
Liquid ASS is an overwhelming, stinky, funny prank product. Once unleashed, this power-packed, super-concentrated liquid begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt-crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo. Great for pranks. Watching the facial grimaces of people and hearing their comments about the gagging stench will have you laughing until it hurts.

$8.41

via Amazon

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Micro Sonic Grenade
Use the micro sonic grenade to prank your friends. Set the timer to 5, 30, or 60 seconds then hide or throw the grenade near your target. Stand back and watch as your victim is startled by the loud micro sonic grenade and then becomes annoyed trying to find the source of the noise. Truly hilarious! Siren is 110-115 decibels, about the loudness of a sandblaster or power saw.

$8.39

via Amazon

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1 Pound of Trolli Gummy Worms
A pound of trolli gummi worms is never a bad option no matter what the situation. Good for camping or a great addition to your food supply. I must say these are the perfect gift for anyone who enjoys earth worm shaped jelly candy. They are made from real juice which is sure to satisfy even the pickiest health fanatic.

$8.24

via Amazon

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Blacklight UV Bubbles
These bubbles glow under a UV light! Watch as you blow huge bubbles that glow a wild shade of blue, that ignites into a light producing bubble! This stuff literally makes invisible light visible for everyone to see, it's almost like they produce their own light. Tekno Bubbles have been in use for years in commercial applications at nightclubs, amusement parks, etc.

$7.95

via Amazon

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Water Proof Notepad
Finally, an easy way to write notes while taking a shower. Anyone who has tried writing a ransom note while showering will tell you how frustrating it can be. The paper gets all soggy and the ink doesn’t stay on and it just makes you look like an amateur. It’s a real hassle. The waterproof notepad fixes this inconvenience.

$7.63

via Amazon

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Flying Screaming Slingshot Monkey
This hilarious slingshot monkey screams while you fling it through the air. It's a great way to get someone's attention. Need to get your professor's attention in a class filled with dozens of students? Why not simply fling a flying screaming monkey at him/her? You will get their attention and everyone in the class will laugh and think you're very cool for owning a flying monkey.

$7.57

via Amazon

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Rub Away Bar
Are people complaining about how bad you smell? Believe me, I've been there before. No worries, you can just rub the bad smell away without having to waste your time taking a shower. Plus, you'll be helping conserve the environment by saving water. A must have for any bachelor.

$7.50

via Amazon

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The Official Bullshit Button
Every day we listen to stories from our friends or acquaintances that are obviously embellished or not true. "Bro I totally benched for 350 the other day" - You wanna call bullshit but it can get tiring. That is why you need the bullshit button. Anytime you hear some over the top story or made-up statistic, just slam button as a way of letting your friend know you think what they're saying is bullshit.

$7.06

via Amazon

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Rainbow Flame Crystals
Just a few shakes and these crystals will produce spectacular blue-green flames in any wood fire, indoors or out. Ideal for fireplaces, campfires and fire pits; one application lasts up to 30 minutes. Starting a fire has never been so fun! The perfect gift for the pyromaniac in your life.

$7.00

via Amazon

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Growing Baby Redwood Tree
These baby redwood trees are 7 - 8 inches from the roots and can grow up to 2 feet in a year. Redwoods are one of the tallest species of trees in the world with some growing up to 200 feet tall. They use sunlight very efficiently and can grow in the shade. But you probably knew all this already.

$6.99

via Amazon

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1500 Lady Bugs
Many people know that ladybugs are good for gardens since they eat many disgusting pests. Just release them around sundown and you will have a swarm of lady bugs defending your garden. What many people don't know about ladybugs however is that they are also the official currency of Peru.

$6.99

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Nose Soap Shower Gel Dispenser
Add some flair to your shower with the runny nose gel dispenser. Just squeeze the nose, and gel will ooze out from the right nostril. Refilling can be easily done by unscrewing the cap at the back. It is easy to attach on tiles with three suction cups at the back. This shower dispenser will be sure to provide hours of entertainment.

$6.93

via Amazon

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Black Water
Black water water will change the way you drink water and make sure to leave you satisfied when regular water just won't do! Naturally black in color, Blk Beverages Spring Water's formula binds to the molecules of Blk Beverages pure Canadian Spring Water turning it naturally black, with no artificial dyes, coloring, or additives. Once you go black you'll never go back.

$6.81

via Amazon

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Funny Hand Sanitizer
The number one problem with hand sanitizers these days are that they are just not funny. Sure, most of them remove 99.99999 percent of germs. But they do they make you laugh? For me this is a deal breaker. These funny hand sanitizers are great for making people think you are funny.

$6.68

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Gift of Nothing
A lot of times people will say they don’t want anything for their birthday or anniversary. Now you can put their truthfulness to the test by literally getting them nothing. You can sit back with a dumb grin of your face and say “you said you wanted nothing ;)” They will hate you.

$6.42

via Amazon

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Potty Putty Toilet Golf Game
Sometimes we get bored in the bathroom and we need something to do. Some people play games on their cellphone or take selfies for Instagram but those have gotten stale for me. The toilet golf game lets me work on my golf stroke so I can better network with upper management.

$6.38

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Inflatable Unicorn Horn for Cats
Are you the type of person that is constantly wondering how you can make your cat's life a living nightmare? Did you wake up this morning and ask yourself “Gee how can I possibly humiliate Ms. Fluffypuss even more than I have? He’s already wearing an ugly sweater but that’s not enough” Well this inflatable unicorn horn will do the trick. But don’t be surprised if he tries to murder you.

$6.04

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Caffeinated Soap
A caffeine showershock is the ultimate clean buzz. Scented with peppermint oil and infused with caffeine anhydrous, each bar of Shower shock contains approximately 12 servings/showers per 4 ounce bar with 200 milligrams of caffeine per serving. Good gift to give to a friend when you want them to shower but don't want to make it obvious that you think they smell bad.

$5.95

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Key Shaped Knife
This James Bond-esque key knife is perfect for getting you out of tough situations. Imagine you’re in a dark alley one night just minding your own business and suddenly, you are approached by some deviant. Your heart trembles. He politely demands you help him open a letter of his, but with no key shaped knife you end up looking like a fool!

$5.59

via Amazon

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Cupcake Flavored Toothpaste
Do you enjoy cupcakes to the extent that you wish you could brush your teeth with them? If you do, you probably have some health issues. But with this cupcake flavored toothpaste, bad teeth won't be one of them.

$5.40

via Amazon

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Shock Prank Pens
Are you the type of person who likes to betray the trust of their friends all for a cheap laugh? Well, then these shock pens will be perfect for you. Why? Let's just say when someone tries to use the pen they will be in for a shocking surprise. I guess you could say it will be an electrifying experience. They will get quite a jolt from these prank pens. You get where I'm going with this?

$5.34

via Amazon

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Green Tea Flavored Kit Kat
In Japan, the formal process of courtship involves breaking a Kit Kat bar and giving a piece to a girl, boy, or cardboard cutout of an anime character. This ritual dates back hundreds of years in Japanese history. The "Give me a break" Kit Kat jingle is based off of a translation of a Japanese folk song about two star crossed lovers who end up murdering their families to be together.

$4.33

via Amazon

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We try to make sure all products on ShitYouCanAfford.com are below $20 or less. Sometimes Amazon’s prices fluctuate which can mean the price may not always be accurate. We apologize for the inconvenience. We’ve hired the best child labor force that less than minimum wage can buy in order to monitor and correct price discrepancies.
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